Are you thinking about having a third child? In that case, have you considered if you would regret having a third child more or less than not having them? I was in the same position about a year ago, and I am thinking now about whether or not I would regret having or not having a fourth child. But that’s another story.
How do you know if you will regret having your third baby? Well, these are the things that you should consider.
Reasons why you might regret having a third child
You will be spread too thin
Will you burn out if you have a third child?
Burnout is a real problem for a lot of parents. Taking care of little ones can be very taxing physically, mentally, and emotionally. Having three children could take you to the limit, depending on your parenting style, your support system, and your own capabilities.
While parenting gets easier the older the children get, burnout doesn’t disappear the moment things get easier.
It takes time to recover from parental burnout. It takes about the same time it took to get there. If you are on the verge of burnout, you need to find a way to make your life easier. Accepting help or letting go of some responsibilities that are not a priority to you is a good way to start.
Consider if you are spread too thin with two. Keeping a journal would be a great way to see how you are coping with the responsibilities you already have. Maybe you could have coped well with an extra newborn if most days are positive?
If you already feel like you are drowning, having a baby could be the last straw, and you might regret having a third child.
From someone that has gotten to the point of burnout: you don’t want that. You deserve to love parenting your kids and your kids deserve a parent that enjoys their company.
You won’t be as comfortable financially
Obviously, every extra kid comes with their expenses. Those are not obvious at the beginning, but with time, if you follow a mainstream way of raising children, they end up costing a lot of money to maintain.
If you think your children will need a room for each, you should consider if you have (or will have) enough money to live in a four-bedroom space.
If you are already tight, you might regret having a third child. You might go from being comfortable enough to stressing about money every single day.
While you can not predict the future, you can fantasy budget to see if this is something that could make you regret having a third child.
Having a high-needs child will be too much to handle
Not all children are the same. Some of them are significantly more difficult to parent. Maybe you are lucky enough to have two typical children that require a conventional amount of energy from you. In that case, you might not consider the possibility of your third being much harder.
Not every child is healthy, able-bodied, neurotypical, and easygoing.
If you think you could cope with three children and end up having it much more difficult than you thought, you might regret having a third child. If having three children makes you a worse parent, you might regret your decision.
Parents that are burned out make for an unhappy family, especially if they run on very low energy for a very long time.
Having a baby will break your relationship with the other parent
Having babies is difficult for the parents’ relationship. Some parenting styles require more emotional energy than others. If you have had two, especially if they are close together in age, maybe your relationship needs some time to recover.
Having a third child could break you. Especially if you haven’t learned to communicate well and nourish your romantic relationship in these years of baby craziness.
If you have a third child before making sure that you are prepared as a couple, it could be the last straw and damage your relationship forever.
Reasons why you might regret not having a third child
You will keep thinking about your future third child
If you don’t have a third child because you are not sure if you want to have a third child, I think you are not very likely to regret it.
However, if you decide to not have a third child for some of the reasons above, like feeling like you can’t handle it, or you are not stable enough, you might regret it. We tend to forget how bad we felt in our tough moments. In hindsight, maybe you will feel like you could have stretched a little more to be able to take good care of your children.
That would not mean that it was a bad decision at the time, but it could feel like it.
The heart desires what the heart desires.
Your partner was the one that didn’t want more children
It is hard to have a conversation and understand when one of the parents wants another baby and the other doesn’t.
If you were told no without any other explanation, that could be problematic.
I don’t think it is a good idea to force someone into having a kid that they don’t want. However, there are many reasons why someone would feel that they don’t want to have any more children.
Maybe your partner didn’t want a child for a reason that could be turned around. For example, if your partner feels like having another baby would be too much work. If you are lucky to be well off, maybe one of you could sacrifice their job so the family can have a little more room to breathe and have another child.
If you disagree with your ideal family size, it is worth having many conversations about it. If you don’t, you will make a decision without all of the information, and you might regret it later.
You will want to have your third baby later in life
What if you are in a situation right now that doesn’t allow you to have another baby but that changes in the future?
The fear of the future stopped you from taking the leap, and now the future happens to be brighter than you thought.
If you had your first two close together in age and then waited much longer to have your third baby, maybe the little one will grow up a little left out and you will regret not having a third child earlier.
I know there is not a perfect age gap for everyone, but I definitely have a favorite. Our children are each around two years apart. Two year age gaps have pros and cons, but it is the perfect age gap for our family.
That means having three kids under five years old for a little while. If you fantasize with having three under five, here is my experience and thoughts about it.
We need to decide so many things when it comes to family planning. First of all, when is the best time to start having children? How many children would we like to have? Are we going to have a third child? A fourth? How do we know our family is complete?
It’s all too difficult. In hindsight, we are going to wish we made different choices. We should think about these things, plan if we are able to, and enjoy whatever comes.
We are going to love our family no matter what. Is it really possible to regret having a baby once you have them with you?
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