Tandem breastfeeding at night and how to nurse a newborn and a toddler to sleep

If you have kids close in age, it is natural that you will end up tandem breastfeeding at night with a newborn and a toddler. How can you do that?

Tandem breastfeeding refers to breastfeeding two children of different ages, either simultaneously or at different times of the day. The WHO recommends exclusive breastfeeding for infants until they are six months old and extended breastfeeding to two years and beyond.

So if you have kids two years apart like mine, it is quite possible and natural that you will end up tandem breastfeeding a newborn and a toddler. And what if your toddler still needs some feeding at night or to fall asleep at night?

If you are trying to decide whether you want to tandem breastfeed or not, here is my list of pros and cons.

Two years ago, I was pregnant with my second while breastfeeding my first. I thought I could tandem breastfeed a toddler and a newborn during the day. I didn’t think it was possible to put the two of them to sleep while breastfeeding at the same time. Fast forward to now, I have done this every day for more than a year.

I find myself pregnant with my third knowing I can do it again. So, how do I manage to put them both to bed at the same time?

The best position to tandem breastfeed a toddler and a newborn to sleep

To put a toddler and a newborn to sleep breastfeeding at the same time, lay between them facing the baby and ask the toddler to climb on top of you to reach the breast. The older one can stop when he has had enough and fall asleep on his own.

You can also feed them both until one falls asleep, unlatch and turn around to the other one.

How to help your toddler sleep independently while tandem breastfeeding at night

I think co-sleeping in a family bed is the way to go. It is good for attachment and it makes small kids feel secure and loved also at night. But as with everything with parenting, there has to be a balance.

Parents have needs too. We need personal space and personal time.

Encourage your toddler to have and value their own personal space

To keep your personal space, try to create a sleeping space that leaves everyone with a lot of room. That way you can sleep together but not touch each other, or at least not all night.

Encourage them to have their own space by having their own pillow and duvet (when they are old enough for it to be safe) and moving them back if they get into your space. Make sure they are well dressed and are not getting cold at night. If they are cold, they will need to be very close to you.

This will allow your toddler to sleep on their own when they are ready and will allow you to get closer if they have a nightmare or need some help staying asleep.

You can assess how much closeness and how many feeds they need versus how much closeness you are happy with. But keep in mind that boundaries are good for everyone.

Let your toddler sleep on their own for some part of the night

To keep some of your personal time, try to identify the time when they are more soundly asleep. In my kids’ case, it is right after falling asleep. It is very tempting to just fall asleep with them, call it a day, and cuddle all night.

But if you get to the habit of staying awake a few hours without the kids, having some personal time or couple’s time, it will be better in the long run. They will learn to sleep independently for a while and still get to sleep with their loved ones for the bigger part of the night.

On the other hand, if they get used to having you close or even touching them every minute they are in bed, they will have to revert that habit when you just can’t handle the lack of personal space and time. And I can assure you, it will happen!

How to help your newborn sleep independently while tandem breastfeeding at night

If you let them, babies will be on top of you all day and all night, and if all babies are like mine, they will want to be latched to one breast and touching the other one all night.

This is very natural, touch is very good for babies and little children. But again, parents need personal space and time.

So it is a good idea to give your newborn the touch and closeness they need while still encouraging them to learn to sleep somehow independently.

Unlatch your baby when they are done feeding in the middle of the night

During the night they will need to be fed a few times. You can encourage some independence. Unlatch them every time they are done eating and give them a little bit of space again. I have found that at the beginning I am so tired that I prefer to fall asleep and let them be latched as much time as they want. But a few months later I need to do some extra effort to stop that habit because I feel touched out.

Let your newborn sleep on their own for some part of the night

Newborns can not fall asleep by themselves. You will need to help them a lot during the first months or even the first couple of years.

That doesn’t mean they are not capable of sleeping some time by themselves. The amount of time they can sleep on their own will naturally increase. Just let them learn.

To help a newborn very slowly and gently learn to sleep independently just give them the opportunity every night. Help them fall asleep, leave them in bed and go until they need you again. In the beginning, they will let you have five minutes, but the time will increase day by day.

Don’t keep them on top of you all day and all night because you are afraid they will wake up. By all means, let them sleep on you, keep them close and keep touching them because they need it. But remember that if that is the only way they ever fall asleep, that will be the only way they will know how to fall asleep. Until you teach them otherwise.

I think having one time in the day where they have the opportunity to be in bed by themselves is a good balance, for my family anyway.

Consider offering a pacifier to your newborn baby at night

This second time tandem breastfeeding at night I will try to offer my newborn a pacifier for some part of the night. I will come back and tell you how it goes.

The benefits of tandem breastfeeding at night

Tandem breastfeeding has its own pros and cons. Breastfeeding two kids at night sounds exhausting. It was very intimidating to me. But I have found that it has given me some extra time and has made bedtime an easier time for my family.

Breastfeeding two kids to sleep at the same time will half the time you spend putting them to sleep

When V was very very little, each parent took care of one child at night. A was two, and even though he mostly slept through the night, he was breastfed to sleep and needed company all night. What that meant, in the end, is that no one really got a good night’s sleep.

After settling as a family of four, I started to put both kids to sleep, but one after the other. That was better because at least my husband could be free for the night, but it was mentally exhausting for me.

When I think about it, we were using so much of our time and energy just putting them to sleep! I would say it was two hours every night of winding down, reading books, and then breastfeeding them to sleep in turns. Had I done this for one year, I would have spent an entire month in total.

At some point, I wanted the ability to be by myself, day and night with both kids and not worry about their sleep so much. I decided to start breastfeeding them to sleep at the same time.

The first night was very long because they distracted each other and basically giggled for a whole hour before accepting it was time to sleep. Eventually, they got used to it, and it got easier and easier. Eventually, it took half an hour total.

They will want to go to bed

Is it just mine that are boobie monsters? I never have to argue when it is time to go to bed, or who is going first. They are always happy to all go together, read some books, lay down, cuddle and fall asleep breastfeeding.

They associate sleeping with each other and mom. That helps strengthen their sibling bond and also gives me the opportunity to have some stress-free bonding time with my kids that doesn’t involve a lot from me. Not planning, not mental energy, not physical energy. I just have to lay down with them, it’s easy!

I am going at this again in a few months and I would love to know some of your tips to make tandem breastfeeding at night work. Let me know your experiences. 😊