Middle children have it a little harder than the others. And now there is a new baby. How do you help your middle child with the new baby? Have you heard of middle child syndrome? I have, and it scares me. I’m worried about it before my middle child even has a chance to experience it.
I recently had my third baby, and I have been juggling to give attention to my three children. I want to prevent middle child syndrome.
Nourish your relationship with your middle child
Your middle child needs to feel loved by you. The foolproof way to make someone feel loved is to let yourself love them.
Let me elaborate.
If you have three children, and especially if they are close in age and you have little support, you might be close to burning out as a mom.
Burnout leaves you feeling empty, with little energy to experience and feel emotions. You might feel like you are a robot taking care of others and making sure that everyone is OK. And you may be forgetting to enjoy the little moments.
Remember how much he needs you and how much you love him. Stop and admire the little baby that you love so much, and let yourself feel all the feelings. Let yourself enjoy your middle child as a baby even though he might look very big to you now.
Teach him things, ask him questions, look at him in the eye, admire his creations, and give him lots of gentle touches, loving words, and extra special time.
Here are 25 ways to show love to your child considering their love language.
Soak it in, don’t do these things like an extra chore for the day. You deserve to feel good in this relationship too.
Every child deserves to be looked at with adoration. Every time you look at them with those adoring eyes, you make them feel worthy and special.
Let your middle child be a baby
I think children are usually babied until their next youngest sibling is born. It doesn’t matter the age difference. One of the best ways to help your middle child with the new baby is making sure that he knows he is still your baby.
We see our children as our little babies no matter what, but it is difficult to not compare and clearly differentiate between our “little babies” and our actually really little babies. Newborns are very obviously small and needy. The other ones are also small and needy, but not obviously.
But each one of our children needs to feel protected, cared for, hugged, maybe breastfeed, carried around, and babied in one way or another.
Try to make sure that you treat your middle child according to their development stage and what they need, not according to their position in the family.
If you need your middle child to make some adjustments to accommodate the new baby, like giving up breastfeeding or moving their bed, make sure they are ready. If they are ready, try to make the transition months before or months after the baby comes.
Make your middle child feel special
If the middle child has some special interests or talents, make time for their special things so that he doesn’t have to be competing all the time.
When the third baby comes, your middle child is probably comparing themselves all the time to the older, who they think is amazing and magical, and losing the comparison. And they just lost their status as the little baby too.
They need to feel special in some way. Take them to special dates if you can.
Help your middle child bond with other people
It is going to be very difficult for you to give all the love and attention your children need right after having your third baby. If you are on your own.
If you are lucky enough to have people around that love you and your kids, like your partner, extended family, or friends, they can spend some extra special time with the older kids. Preferably one child at a time.
If you don’t have a close support system and you can’t trust someone to spend time with your children alone, have someone spend time with your older children, but especially the middle child, while you are at home with them.
Don’t group your older children together all the time
In my family, the easiest thing to do now is to have dad be the one in charge of the two older ones, and me be with the baby all the time.
I can recognize that this is a bad idea for several reasons.
First of all, I have three children, and my two older ones need my love and attention. They are well taken care of by their father, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need me too. They should not feel like mom doesn’t love them anymore just because she is busy with the baby. The baby maybe doesn’t care if dad doesn’t spend time with him, but the two older ones definitely miss me when I’m too busy with the baby.
Second, if the two older ones are always together with the attention of one adult, the middle child will be a little forgotten about, especially if he is an easy going child like my middle child is. The firstborn will demand attention and the middle child will tag along.
I have started to see the effect that this dynamic has. He is more frustrated with his older brother. He competes for attention and for some power.
Let your middle child help with the new baby
Little kids love to help and imitate. Helping with their little baby will make them feel confident, and accomplished.
Middle children are always compared to their older siblings, and it must feel really nice to be seen as a big brother sometimes too.
Do you have more ideas on how to help your middle child with the new baby and prevent middle child syndrome?
This post may have some affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive a commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions are my own.
