Safe bed-sharing with a baby: the cuddle curl position

Bed-sharing in a family bed is a kind, gentle and easy way to get some sleep with small children. Breastfeeding and bed-sharing in a cuddle curl position is the safest way to bed-share with your baby.

What is bed-sharing?

Bed-sharing refers to sleeping next to your child in the same bed. Family bed-sharing refers to sleeping with more than one child in your bed.

Bed-sharing is controversial because some associate it with SIDS. However, there is not a lot of research on it. It seems that the accidents where babies have died from sharing a bed with other people are related to other things, not bed-sharing itself.

Sleeping in the same room as your baby is recommended, as it reduces the risk of SIDS.

What is the cuddle curl position?

The cuddle curl position for bed-sharing and breastfeeding is a protective position that breastfeeding parents tend to adopt when sleeping with their babies. They curl in a “C” position facing the baby, with the legs curled up and one arm extended or under the pillow.

The extended arm and curled-up legs won’t let you roll on top of the baby, and you will notice if the baby starts to move up or down because they will find your body and wake you up.

In a cuddle curl position, the baby is right at breast level and can breastfeed during the night easily, sometimes without the mom noticing.

Is bed-sharing safe?

Sharing a bed with a baby is safe as long as it is done mindfully. SIDS is greatly reduced with breastfeeding, and breastfeeding is made much easier and natural by bed-sharing. The main risk of bed-sharing is suffocation, and this can be reduced by following some simple rules:

These are the safe sleep 7 for bed-sharing:

• NO SMOKING: Smoking parents increases the risk of SIDS.
• NO DRUGS: The use of alcohol or other drugs can make you less alert in your sleep.
• BREASTFEEDING PARENT: Breastfeeding parents and babies wake up more frequently during the night.
• HEALTHY BABY: Premature and small babies are at greater risk for SIDS.
• BABY ON BACK: The safest position for sleeping is on their back.
• NO OVERHEATING: The baby should be dressed to avoid overheating.
• SAFE BED: Flat firm surface with nowhere for babies to get trapped, no bedding, pillows or other suffocation hazards close to the baby.

What is the safest setup to bed-share with a baby?

Safe bed for bed-sharing

The safest bed for bed-sharing with a baby is a firm mattress on the floor, placed in one corner of the room so that the head and one side of the bed are touching a wall, baby sleeps next to the wall and has their breastfeeding parent on the other side.

If the mattress can’t be close enough to the wall because of the bed structure, roll up some clothes to make sure that there is no space between the mattress and the wall for the baby to be trapped.

If it is not possible for you to put the mattress on the floor, put a bed rail on the edges that are not protected yet by walls or a parent. Make sure that it is fitted well and there is no room for the baby to become trapped.

There should be no pillows or bedding next to the baby to avoid them accidentally covering their face and suffocating.

How do you breastfeed in bed safely?

Lie in a cuddle curl position, with your baby close to your breasts lying on their side facing you. You might want to lift your breast to their mouth to help them latch. When they are done, put them back on their back to keep sleeping safely.

How do you avoid head deformations while breastfeeding and bed-sharing?

Babies that spend a lot of time in the same position can develop plagiocephaly, which means that their skull flattens because of their head’s weight always being put in the same place. For example, babies that spend too much time on their back could end up with the back of their head flattening.

To avoid head deformations, babies should spend time in different positions throughout the day and night.

If you bed-share with your baby and they spend a lot of time laying on their side facing you, you might be worried that they will end up having their head deformed.

One solution would be to switch the side your baby is in. It could make things easier to be able to switch the breast they feed on every time. If that is not practical, you could switch sides every night.

But even if you don’t want to keep changing positions, you can avoid head deformations while bed-sharing without changing positions or setup.

To avoid head deformations when breastfeeding and bed-sharing, make sure that the baby doesn’t always stay asleep on their side after a night feeding. Put them back to lying on their back, which is the safest position for babies to sleep in.

During the day, breastfeed them in other positions and let them sleep while babywearing.

Since lying on their back is the safest position to avoid SIDS, they should be spending a lot of time lying on their back anyway. To compensate for that, having the baby sleep on you in a vertical position while you hold them or babywear will help them develop a healthily shaped skull.

Safe temperature for bed-sharing

The ideal room temperature for bed-sharing is between 60 F and 68 F (16-20° C). It is important that babies do not overheat while also being comfortable. Since your baby is going to have you close for extra warmth, the room should be a little cooler than if they slept alone.

A baby that shares a bed with someone can not be swaddled or otherwise restricted in its movement.

The baby should be dressed warm enough for a room temperature of between 60 F and 68 F (16-20° C) taking into account that they will get extra warmth from their breastfeeding parent.

The breastfeeding parent should be sleeping in a cuddle curl position close to the baby.

Two layers of cotton, for example, a cotton long-sleeve bodysuit and a cotton pajama with feet are good for a newborn.

The parent should preferably wear cotton, not wear any strings or loose parts in their clothes and have their hair tied up if they have long hair.

Go to my other post if you need more information on how to dress for bed-sharing.

Considerations for bed-sharing in a family bed with other kids

If you have multiple newborns at the same time, I would bed-share with only one at a time. You could have one sleeping in a bedside sleeper and the other in your bed and have them switch places at each feeding.

If you have an older baby and a newborn and the older baby is older than one year old, which is likely, then you should breastfeed and sleep with your little one in a cuddle curl position and have the other baby on your other side. Keep duvets and pillows away from every small child.

When there is a baby and an older child sleeping in the same bed, use the cuddle curl position with the youngest and have the older child be as far from the baby as possible. So if two parents sleep in the family bed, have one child on each side and both parents in the middle.

Our family has been sleeping in the same bed for years. First it was only us, then one baby, then one toddler and one baby, then one preschooler, one toddler and one baby.

Even though there are pros and cons of family bed-sharing, we have always made it work to our advantage. Here is more information on reasons to bed-share as a family and how to do it.

An extra step for safe bed-sharing

I feel a little self-conscious about this. I feel like I will be seen as a neurotic mother for this. But here is an extra step if you are nervous about endangering your child while bed-sharing.

If you have a baby monitor that can be left on during the night and records when it senses movement, record you with your baby for a couple of nights. Make sure you follow all the precautions.

When you see the footage later, you will get the reassurance that you need to peacefully breastfeed and bed-share with your baby.

We have had the Arlo Baby monitor for all our parenting years, which has been fantastic. Unfortunately, it has been discontinued, but here is a very similar one, and here is a list of the 6 best baby monitors for 2022 by The New York Times, which includes the Arlo Baby monitor and the Lollipop Baby monitor.

If my camera, which I adore stopped working for some reason, I would get the Lollipop Baby Monitor.