Tandem breastfeeding refers to breastfeeding two children of different ages or twins, either simultaneously or at different times of the day.
Are you trying to decide if you want to tandem breastfeed or not? I know it is a difficult choice to make, and it’s one that you can’t make last minute.
I got pregnant with my second child when my first was one and a half years old. I’ve been tandem breastfeeding my baby and now preschooler for a year and a half. Here’s my retrospective list of pros and cons.
I’m not a health professional. I’m a scientist, and as such, I value scientific evidence very much.
I don’t pretend to know all the ins and outs of breastfeeding from a scientific standpoint, but La Leche League does, and that’s why in this post you will find endless links to their articles, where they reference all the scientific articles supporting their claims.
As for personal experience with it, I do have some.
Here’s a thorough list of the pros and cons of tandem breastfeeding a newborn and a toddler.
Pros of tandem breastfeeding a newborn and a toddler
The usual benefits of breastfedding
Breastfeeding has a lot of benefits by itself, for the baby and for the mom. All those benefits don’t disappear just because now you are feeding two (or more?). Tandem breastfeeding a newborn and a toddler will have twice the benefits of breastfeeding just one baby.
You don’t have to wean your first
The WHO recommends extended breastfeeding, and your breastfeeding toddler might not be ready to wean. If they decide when they are ready, it’s going to be easier for everyone.
If you are the one that decides to wean, it’s going to take at least some effort to make it a smooth transition, and you’ll have to be careful so that your toddler doesn’t feel replaced by the new baby.
You can encourage them to wean by not offering nor denying, but that doesn’t guarantee that they will self-wean.
It will help with the transition
When the new baby comes, your older will inevitably regress in some ways. They’ll want to gain back some of the attention they lost by behaving like a baby themselves.
If they can share breastfeeding with their sibling, it will be one less thing that they are losing because of the baby.
Tandem breastfeeding at the same time makes perfect moments for them to bond, A LOT of them. Breastfeeding makes them happy, and they will associate these sweets moments with each other.
They will get used to being close, and they will learn that there’s mom for the two of them.
Your supply will be better and more stable when tandem breastfeeding
I don’t know if there is scientific evidence about this.
It just makes sense, doesn’t it? And it’s also my experience.
The second time around I had a good stable supply from very early on and I didn’t go through the phase where all of a sudden I had milk for a dozen babies.
I did have some extra milk and time to donate, and I would encourage everyone that can to do it. Here is an article on milk donation and sharing.
My baby benefited from a donor’s milk and I would hug the lady that gave him his first feeding if I could! This brings me to the next pro.
It could be medicine for your unhealthy newborn
When V was born, he was very small and weak. We almost lost him during the birth. I had to sleep for an emergency C-section and they gave him donor’s milk before I woke up from the anesthesia.
In hindsight, I could have saved some of my colostrum for this first feeding. I’m very thankful for the donor’s milk, but I’m sure my own colostrum would’ve been even better.
I still could offer him a lot of milk from the very first day, and that helped him recover really fast.
He gained a lot of strength and weight very soon, and every one of my midwives attributed this to the fact that I had a lot of colostrum from the beginning and mature milk in a day or two.
You could avoid mastitis easily
With my firstborn, I had mastitis so bad that I was hospitalized for two weeks. With my second, I had a lot of milk but I was never engorged. If I felt a little too full, my toddler came to the rescue. He could empty my breast in a moment.
Cons of tandem breastfeeding a newborn and a toddler
Breastfeeding during pregnancy can be hard for your body
If you want to tandem breastfeed, you obviously will have to be pregnant while breastfeeding. You have to make sure to eat and drink well, to take good care of your body while it does all of this intense work for your family.
You can become touched out
Breastfeeding aversion is a real thing.
I was also surprised when this happened to me, but our bodies sometimes don’t want us to breastfeed a toddler and a newborn at the same time, or during pregnancy, or just one older child.
If it happens to you, you are not alone. Also, there are some ways to cope with feeling touched out while breastfeeding.
At moments, it can feel as if you lost your right to your own body.
You can become the default parent (times two) very easily
The default parent is the one that makes any hurt better, that can put the baby to sleep when no one else can, the only one the baby wants when sick. It can be nice to be the default parent, but it is also tiring.
And while there is no such thing as too much attachment to mom, dad or other people in your baby’s life need to bond too.
To be honest, this is almost unavoidable, and I would guess that non-breastfeeding moms go through the same. But also, it’s not like you can outsource breastfeeding, right?
Small babies are usually more attached to the mother anyway, but I guess even more so when you can give them something no one else can.
Make this times two for a tandem breastfeeding mom.
Trying to conceive while breastfeeding might be difficult
Breastfeeding can affect your fertility. There is a contraception method called Lactation Amenorrhea Method (LAM).
However, this does not mean that you won’t be able to get pregnant at all. It may take a while until your period returns postpartum, but once it does breastfeeding should not make you infertile.
Some moms have babies closer together and go to tandem breastfeed, and other moms don’t get their period until they wean completely.
If you are trying to conceive while breastfeeding, there are lots of places with amazing information, like this article in Kellymom.
If you don’t want to wean your baby (or toddler, or preschooler, or older child), you don’t have to.
You can try some other things first. When I was looking for information and experiences in blogs and forums online, EVERYONE recommended the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility by Tony Weschler, which has an entire chapter on trying to conceive while breastfeeding and is available on Amazon in both physical and digital form.
Is tandem breastfeeding a newborn and a toddler socially accepted?
This may be a con, but I’m a little too stubborn to list it as such.
I’ve had people comment on my choice to breastfeed my two-year-old while visibly pregnant, and I’ve had received a lot of looks from strangers when I’ve fed A or both of them in public, even though I’ve done it only a few times. Family and friends have a say about it.
I’m not immune to this. It affects me a lot. But I always try not to decide how my life and my babies’ life is going to be based on how other people live. Even less on how they will perceive us.
Here is what a hurtful well-meaning comment looks like:
You look very tired. You are making it difficult for yourself. Why don’t you ____?
Here is how a supportive comment should look like:
You are doing a great job. You must be very tired. Let me know how I can help you take some load off. Do you want me to ____ for you?
So this is my list of pros and cons of tandem breastfeeding. I have had to make this decision twice and I have decided for tandem breastfeeding twice.
How did you end up here? Are you considering tandem breastfeeding? Is someone you love considering it? Are you already a tandem breastfeeding mom? Let me know your experiences. 😊
This post may have some affiliate links. This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive a commission at no extra cost to you. All opinions are my own.
